It may be strange that I look back fondly to two Christmases that took place during my college years as opposed to my childhood growing up. Those four years were truly some of the best years of my single life. In college, I was not the principal’s son. Nor was I some stereotyped personality forced upon me by the people with whom I grew up. No, during those four years, I got to stretch out of the box in which I was metaphorically placed during my 12 years of primary and secondary schooling.
So, during my junior year at Ball State, my roommate, Bruce, and I threw one of the more epic dorm parties of my time on campus. With our room outfitted in Christmas lights and those stupid, worthless reading lights that were attached to the walls of every room in our dorm replaced with a green and red light, I finally got to test my music mix theory by incorporating terrific Christmas music (The Waitresses, Springsteen, The Salsoul Orchestra, Bryan Adams) with my usual array of party favorites. Believe it or not, at one point in the night, we had over 50 Christmas guests stuffed in that little room. In these days of COVID, this party would have been a superspreader event.
Of the many highlights, most of which will go unmentioned, perhaps my second favorite was the moment when Adam Ant’s “Goody Two Shoes” blared on the stereo. When you are a 5’11, 150 lb guy attempting to man the door and keep us from being busted, you are at the whim of many good-natured people. But, when a 6-foot-5, 245 lb future NFL defensive lineman wants to imitate Adam Ant up and down the hallway, well, you open the door to relieve the pressure. At that moment, I am watching this mountain of a man going up and down the hall like he was a Midwestern giant Adam Ant, spraying Little Kings Cream Ale out of bottle in his massive hands. After two passes up and down the hall, we got him back in the room before he got in trouble.
After that, the residence director knocked on the door and made most of the people leave. He simply said that 50 people in the room was just too much. So, for a half hour, the party was down to 15 people. But, slowly, the numbers began to swell again. That is until midnight, when the future NFL player’s roommate put on display that will live in infamy in our memories.
Unbeknownst to us in our room, the football player Mike and his roomie Max were doing shot of tequila. According to Mike, who loved to play great tricks on Max, took their fourth or fifth shot of tequila, when Mike looked at Max seriously and told him, “Close your eyes and think of yourself taking a big bite of dry bacon grease.” At that moment, Max popped up and ran out into the hall to go down two doors to the bathroom to get sick. Simultaneously, someone opened our door just in time to see Max running past with his right hand over his mouth.
Immediately, Max began to projectile vomit through the spaces in his fingers, making what appeared to be a little boy (he was only 5’6″) fountain of puke as he ran to the bathroom. Unfortunately, that spelled the penultimate moment of the party. Some left disgusted, others just left. For many of us in attendance, it was a collegiate life highlight. Oh, sure, the party continued for a couple more hours, but it became a much mellower gathering of four, with some gift unwrapping yet to be done.
Recently, I attended my high school reunion. I heard person after person saying they wish that they could go back to high school. Me? I’d go back to high school only for the sports, if I could be armed with my current knowledge. On the other hand, I’d go back to college in a heartbeat. Those were my fun years.
Okay, so in reality, this is an ancillary Christmas story, only because it happened at Christmas time. Who cares? It was an awesome time to be alive. Now, let’s do this countdown!
250. Dean Martin – “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” (1948)
249. Gloria Estefan – “Love on Layaway” (1999)
248. John Legend feat. Stevie Wonder – “What Christmas Means to Me” (2018)
247. Billy Idol – “Jingle Bell Rock” (2006)
246. Hot Chocolate – “Brand New Christmas” (1980)
245. The Darkness – “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” (2003)
244. Son Little – “What Child Is This?” (2018)
243. Lake Street Dive – “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” (2017)
242. The Smashing Pumpkins – “Christmastime” (1997)
241. Lindsey Stirling – “Carol of the Bells” (2017)
240. Stevie Nicks – “Silent Night” (1987)
239. The Monkees – “What Would Santa Do?” (2018)
238. Camila Cabello – “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” (2021)
237. Mariah Carey feat. Ariana Grande – “Oh Santa!” (2010)
236. Jon Bon Jovi – “Please Come Home for Christmas” (1992)
235. Gene Autry – “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (1949, 1957)
234. Everything but the Girl – “25th December” (1994)
233. Bette Midler – “Cool Yule” (2006)
232. Charles Brown – “Merry Christmas Baby” (1947, 1956, 1862, 1968)
231. Aretha Franklin – “Christmas Ain’t Christmas (Without the One You Love)” (2008)
230. Sia – “Everyday Is Christmas” (2017)
229. Ella Fitzgerald – “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” (1960)
228. Denise Montoya & The Salsoul Orchestra – “Merry Christmas All” (1976)
227. Weezer – “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” (2008)
226. Loretta Lynn – “To Heck with Ole Santa Claus” (1966)
225. Halford – “O Holy Night” (2009)
224. Ray Parker Jr. – “Christmas Time Is Here” (1984)
223. Aretha Franklin – “Winter Wonderland” (1964)
222. Sara Bareilles – “Love Is Christmas” (2011)
221. Rufus Thomas – “I’ll Be Your Santa Baby” (1973)
220. Kai Danzberg – “Santa If” (2018)
219. Jackson 5 – “Frosty the Snowman” (1970)
218. Snow Patrol – “When I Get Home for Christmas” (2004)
217. Mannheim Steamroller – “Deck the Halls” (1984)
216. The Polyphonic Spree – “Happy Xmas” (2012)
215. Carnie & Wendy Wilson – “Hey Santa” (1993)
214. Grace Potter – “Christmas Moon” (2017)
213. Jimi Hendrix – “Little Drummer Boy/Silent Night/Auld Lang Syne” (1969)
212. Meghan Trainor – “My Kind of Present” (2020)
211. The Temptations – “Silent Night” (1968, 1980)
210. Shoes – “This Christmas” (1991)
209. Bon Jovi – “I Wish Everyday Could Be Christmas” (1993)
208. Amy Grant – “Tennessee Christmas” (1983)
207. Katy Perry – “Cozy Christmas” (2008)
206. Harry Belafonte – “Mary’s Boy Child” (1956)
205. Darius Rucker & Sheryl Crow – “Baby It’s Cold Outside” (2014)
204. George Harrison – “Ding Dong” (1970)
203. Fall Out Boy – “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” (2017)
202. Solomon Burke – “Presents for Christmas” (1968)
201. Nat King Cole – “The Little Boy Santa Claus Forgot” (1956)
If My Records Could Talk 